Butter legs?

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Stricken with a curse, her legs were made of butter,
given by a witch doctor, by george he was a nutter.

This one beautiful young gal, she was a damsel in distress,
she tried to cover her embarrassing butter legs, with a long flowing flowery dress.

But one hot summer day, some melted butter caused her to shudder,
her legs were gone, a puddle on the floor, could her life be more cruder?

Along came a dairy expert and made her melted legs a new,
now the damsel able to walk, and wasn’t feeling so down and blue.

So she marched on forward with a shout of defiance and the smell of victory in the air,
her legs made of butter by the witch doctor nutter, but now she really did not care.

 © C Webber 2017

Pickle Juice

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Pickle juice, go on take a sip,
Put a drop right there on your lip.

I just want to see your screwed up face,
Pickle juice, such a sour taste.

Your eyes start to water and mouth starts to wet,
Can I offer you a pint of pickle juice yet?

Hand slaps the table because you can’t withstand,
The pickle juice might, like illegal contraband.

Finally you give up the fight with the sour bitter drink,
Not a great tasting tipple, don’t you think.

© C Webber 2017

The Crooked Road

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Along the crooked road,
hopped a crooked toad.
Looking for some crickets, to munch on for his dinner.

But along the crooked road,
there stood a crooked witch,
and she was looking for a toad, for her dinner.

So on crooked road,
there stood the crooked toad,
and a crooked witch.

But there could only be one winner,
both hunting for their dinner.

Like David and Goliath,
my money would have been on the witch,
but the toad pulled out a bazooka,
and blew the witch into bits.

So on the crooked road,
stood a full and bloated crooked toad,
and a spattering of witch who had been blown to bits.

© C Webber 2017

Walking on grass

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Crystals sat atop, adorning each glossy blade of grass,
But I stepped upon them and fell straight on to my ass.

As pretty as it looked it caused me so much pain,
I will never walk upon that crystal topped grass again.

I came across some grass, this time was topped with jelly,
I stepped upon it and fell forward onto my belly.

As pretty as it looked it caused me so much pain,
I will never walk upon that jelly topped grass again.

I came across some grass, it was topped with bread,
I stepped upon it and fell and banged my head.

As pretty as it looked it caused me so much pain,
I will never walk upon that bread topped grass again.

© C Webber 2017

*this is for Maria who you can find at superwifeandmummy 

Check out her blog its great

The Quack

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The quack came from the duck and was originally a sound,
But one day it came out as an object, quite profound.

It was square and yellow with short little legs,
Coins for eyes, and arms that were pegs.

It waddled around quite a happy little thing,
It never spoke but used to dance and loved to sing.

If you ever encountered a quack you would surely know,
They made people happy wherever they go.

They live in chocolate rivers and liquorice trees,
Not in pepper bushes though because they make them sneeze.

You will never see a picture of a quack though you know,
Immune to cameras so always a no show.

So, if you ever encounter a quack please do say hello,
They will make your day, or even your week glow.

© C Webber 2017

Sunday stupidness

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The finish line seemed just out of reach,

for the legs pounding on the amazing running peach.
He was one of a kind never before seen, 

Like his vegetable cousin the famous runner bean.
Almost as amazing is the high jumping apple,

built round and voluptuous but amazingly supple.
The long jumping banana is a sight to be hold,

but once got it wrong and he split I was told.
An onion that can throw the javelin so far,

better than being pickled and served in a jar.
But my favourite must be the hurdle jumping cucumber,

Always great to watch and always one to remember.
© C Webber 2017

Dawn chorus……of Ants?

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Mountain ranges made out of cheese,

Helicopter liquorice and cola bread please.
Cars with wagon wheels and windshields for dodging the thorn’s,

Googlepike sausage drivers beeping the horns.
Dawn chorus of ants, their playing the drums.

Boxers with nappies, protecting their bums.
Foxtrot ingredients baked into a cake,

It will make you dance all night if one piece you will take.
Shoe in the stew, and fish, is it sole?

Galloping ginger cows,  fall in a hole.

Sapphire Seas bring dogs to their knees, silver sharks walk and rugby playing Bumblebees.
© C Webber 2017