Sunday stupidness

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The finish line seemed just out of reach,

for the legs pounding on the amazing running peach.
He was one of a kind never before seen, 

Like his vegetable cousin the famous runner bean.
Almost as amazing is the high jumping apple,

built round and voluptuous but amazingly supple.
The long jumping banana is a sight to be hold,

but once got it wrong and he split I was told.
An onion that can throw the javelin so far,

better than being pickled and served in a jar.
But my favourite must be the hurdle jumping cucumber,

Always great to watch and always one to remember.
© C Webber 2017

Three blind mice – the prequel 

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A new movement had been formed and it was called the Miceis group,

Fed up of traps and cheese left to entice,

Humans protecting their homes,

To the mice they weren’t very nice.
So one day, fed up of their treatment the mice held a meeting,

A meeting to transform their lives,

It involved discussions of revenge and mutiny,

Against these humans, only the best would survive.
The Miceis group drew up their plans,

 with weapons of mass destruction,

The finest laid human traps,

But one pearl was top of their construction.
It would be a dish, that humans couldn’t resist,

Pumpkin pie, that was laden with explosives.

So, they set upon the creation of this evil dish,

Laden with pumpkin and some bad ass additives.
But unfortunately as the three set the task, neared completion,

Something happened and they don’t know why,

The pumpkin pie exploded,

And hit all three in the eye.
So, their plot was ended,

No longer the Miceis regime gave any resistance,

This is where the 3 blind mice,

Came into existence.
© C Webber 2017

Tooth Fairy 

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Please be seated as this story may astound you…….

Sitting comfortably?

Then I shall begin…..

My son who is now the grand old age of 11 lost another baby tooth on Sunday…

Now I had to explain to him that at the old age of 11 the tooth fairy no longer visits.

He brushed this off with a pure desire for the £2 that a tooth now fetches in these parts.

“It’s worth £2!”, he insisted and continued his defiance by wrapping his bloody tooth in tissue.

He passed it to me for safe keeping, ready for the placement under his pillow, the place for the deal between child and tooth fairy.

Unbelievably the deal was forgotten and the tooth left in the pocket of my jeans.

The next morning whilst getting ready for the day ahead, I slipped on my jeans and placed my hand in my pocket…

To my surprise a found a number of coins which I removed and placed on the side.

I then reached deeper to find the tissue containing my sons lost tooth…

But what happened next shocked me….

I shouted to my son that he had forgotten about his tooth and he came into the room.

But as I opened the folded tissue I found no tooth! Confused I checked it again, and then again…but no tooth…but then I noticed something else….the coins I had removed from my pocket…

2 new…..shiny…..pound coins!!!

I couldn’t work it out?? I checked the tissue again….I checked my pocket….nothing!

My son thought it was great and whisked off his £2 haul to put in his money pot…

So for those of you who don’t believe….

This is a true story….

The tooth fairy lives on….

Tracy the abseiling instructor 

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Tracy hated her job as an abseiling instructor. The reason she hated it was that she used to be a highly successful business woman.

She used to be jet setting around the world, meeting managing directors and making loads of money in the process.

One day though she made a massive mistake that would change her life forever. She put millions of pounds on the stock market and it crashed…..she lost it all.

You could say she had hit rock bottom. 
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© C Webber 2017

Jack

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Jack had always wanted to become a lumber Jack.

It seemed the ideal job with his name being Jack.

 

Ever since he was a tiny lad he would dream of the day he would become one.

So when he finally did all the training and sat the final exam he waited excitedly for the results.

 

He was so very confident, so when the day came and he opened the envelope with his results in he couldn’t believe his eyes to see that he had failed!

 

You could say that he was well and truly…..stumped!

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© C Webber 2017